HUEVOS VIEJOS

Play the sounds below, read the good news, feel good.

A mothers duck follows trapped ducklings 2 miles until they’re rescued.

Woman arrested for going full retard.

100 years old man finishes marathon.

Love finds a way.

I truly believe in perspective. As individual as a fingerprint, the way we see the world is completely unique to our own interpretation. The way the breeze pulls one will push another. We have the power to dramatically effect our perspective by choosing the inspiration in which we surround ourselves, we are truly a representation of our immediate environment.  Humans are incredibly susceptible to external stimulation, without that sensitivity it would be impossible to grow and evolve.

      Yesterday, on my commute home, I read a bumper sticker stating that I was “not paying attention”, because I was not “furious”. I’m now living more attentive than ever before, yet I rise at dawn with a shit eating grin to tackle a day that I am stoked to be living. The only reason that I’m “furious” is that I wore that same pessimistic attitude like a badge for too many years. So what am I neglecting to tend?  Because I adhere to the positive am I blissfully ignorant to all the problems of the world?  Not at all, I just don’t agree that “fury” is the best policy. 

    fury [ˈfjʊərɪ]n pl -ries

1. violent or uncontrolled anger; wild rage

2. an outburst of such anger

3. uncontrolled violence

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    -  This is how I am supposed to respond to crisis?  Really lady?  I mean yeah, when Starbucks is out of peppermint-I fucking shoot everyone in the building and burn the place to the ground,… but seriously?  That kind of predatory and negative attitude has a staggering effect on every aspect of your being.  I am all for some Primal rage, but most of these issues, which are indeed disturbing, will likely only benefit from a standpoint of compassion. 

       So, after a long day of successfully interacting with society, working and earning a living, positively benefiting my life and impacting others as humanely as possible, I return home and fire up the evening news.  Wooaahh,…. Now I can understand where that lady was coming from.  Its like somebody filtered out all of the good and love from this world and pumped the left over violent muck and sadness into my living room.  I instantly felt anxiety, my blood pressure started to rise, I got angry„ … was this… “FURY”.. coming on?   Fuck Yeah!  I’m Furious!!!  It feels good!  I want revenge!!      Let us rape the horses and ride off on the women!   Lets prune the hedges of many small villages!!!…….Real powerful shit.  Anyone should feel an intrepid rage being exposed to such images, you wouldn’t be human otherwise. It works, your pissed off and scared and now you are tuned in.

       I want to bring to the people the very opposite! I want you to shit rainbows! To Snort fucking butterflies! To sprint forth and stab the wind with good feelings, and let it bleed its inspiration all over you! I want you to roll around on the floor with such a passion for creativity that you give in and start to convulse and tremor until you explode!!!!  So I Bring to you  ……

                                              “The Good News!!!!!!!!”    

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If that doesn’t do it for you your dead inside.

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The Jackalope Saints - Burn Down the Sun from Paul Searle on Vimeo.

A very talented teenage heart-throb that I am proud to call a good friend.

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     Be righteousness my friends and family.

Be compassionate. Try to understand people- not just their actions. Keep judgment far from your heart.  Influence others gently and with deliberation.

Living Constant and loud.

Sam.

      I sleep like shit most nights. Years spent high in the foothills of the Himalayas, training in the morning mist and sleeping with the panda made me strong, it made me aware….a little too aware. The slightest breeze thrusts me from my slumber ready to engage. Plus I have to wizz every 3 hours cause’ I’ve the bladder of an infant. I can’t drink my self to sleep anymore, and there is no way I’m gonna pharmaceutically induce.  So what are my options?  First lets examine the physiological process called “Sleep”.

      Starting even in the morning your body is preparing for sleep. Over the duration of a 24 hour period we follow what is called a “Circadian Rhythm”, our body’s natural response to: sunlight and darkness, behavioral changes, and internal stimuli. (“Circadian”  in Latin means “around a day”).  Picture your biological clock resting in the hypothalamus right above where the optic nerves cross. It’s scientific name is the “Suprachiasmatic Nucleus” but goes by “SCN” for short.  Made up of two different brain structures containing about 20,000 neurons, It’s the boss- It controls most circadian rhythms. When light reaches photo-receptors in your retina, its your retina’s job to shoot that signal along your optic nerve to the SCN.  Then the SCN contacts several different brain regions- like the “Pineal Gland”.  When this gland gets good word that shits gettin bright, it tells melatonin to punch out. This is why I yell at Brynna when she blasts the high-beams to take her midnight wizardry!  When she returns to bed and shuts out the light,  the process happens in reverse and melatonin is again produced to help me feel drowsy. Research even suggests that during the day a  chemical called “Adenosine” builds up in your blood, the higher the content, the drowsier you feel. When you sleep the chemical is then broken down. 

    Once asleep, you pass though 5 stages, 1,2,3,4, and REM-(not the shit eating Michael Stipe) but RAPID EYE MOVEMENT!  Once the cycle is complete it restarts again at stage 1. 

STAGE 1-  I become an easily awakened twitchy bastard. My eyes creep slowly and muscle activity begins to relax. My twitches are muscle contractions called “hypnic myoclonia” This is when I become an embarrassment to bring to movies like “My Week With Marilyn”. If awakened I remember Fragmented visual images. 

STAGE 2-  My eyes stop creeping and my brainwaves slow way down except to occasionally burst “sleep spindles” brief rapid brain waves.

STAGE 3-  Extremely slow delta waves start to appear

STAGE 4-  Almost entirely Delta waves at this point.  Stages 3 and 4 are considered “deep sleep” and this is when it is most difficult to be woken up. No eye movement or muscle activity. If you are awakened you are incredibly grog-dog and bewildered, enough for kids to piss themselves and have night terrors.

R.E.M.-  Now is when shit gets good. Breathing becomes rapid and shallow,  eyes are busting loose, heart rate and blood pressure rise and me-get-boner. Our limbs actually become paralyzed for safety.  Now I can fight aliens and pile Megan Fox on a inflatable raft floating down a river of ink, with a knife in my teeth and bananas for arms. 

So, we dream, rest, repair, grow, recharge our immune system, and ultimately hit the save button and commit what we learned during the day to memory.  Sleep makes us feel rested and alert so we can navigate through the dangers in our lives, thousands of years ago that meant outrunning predators or out smarting prey.  The dangers of modern life seem pretty tame when you consider what our ancestors endured on a daily basis. Tame enough that most people run on less sleep than their bodies require, and supplement a variety of stimulants to get them through the day.  Natural Selection must work a little harder to snuff out the weaker, slower, and less fortunate.  Just about anyone can pass on their genes these days, have you ever seen “Teen Mom”?  Future generations are fucked.  Before I start to slip off subject here…..How can we attain better quality sleep?

Here are some tips for getting the much needed rest that your body deserves.

-Stay on schedule-  Studies show that people who get to bed and wake up at the roughly the same time every day enjoy better more fulfilling sleep. Instead of setting a “bed time”,  set your alarm-  it will take a couple of days, but your body clock will regulate and start to become adjusted to a set pattern.

-Illuminate!!!!!-  Having trouble waking up?  Open the blinds! If you are up before the sun, head to the shitter and blast the lights, you will immediately stop producing sleep hormones.  If possible, get outside and expose yourself to the elements, it will get you feeling ready and alert.  If you work in a cave, consider a light therapy box. Your Circadian Rhythm needs fresh air and sunlight to maintain a steady pattern. So make an excuse to see the sky. 

-Kill the electronics-  At least 2 hours before bed turn off all electronics.  T.V.s and computers use a back-light that mimics blue daylight, your body can hardly tell the difference between an episode of lost and a real Hawaiian sunrise. Even place your alarm clock in the bathroom, you wont worry about the time- and you will have to get out of bed to turn it off. If you are a total boss, try using just candle light to read by for a week. Just make sure you extinguish it before falling asleep, or you could wake up dead. If you have to pee pee, use a dim flashlight, or wear a diaper and piss away.

-Don’t work in bed-  Don’t associate your bed with stressful behavior, reserve it for sleeping and sexy-time. This way your body will know that hitting the sack-means sacking the fuck out.  Keep you bedroom dark, cool, and ventilated, you are a beast and you need your slumber.

-Have an evening ritual- Ever wonder why a golfer will do the same little dance before he tees off?  Because it fucking works.  You are programed to gravitate toward routines, they are powerful indications of whats to come.  Just ask Pavlov’s dog. The best routine can be to have a cup of tea and prep for your following day, so you can “rest” not “stress” about what you “have” to do in the morning.

-Ingest less- …..of pretty much everything. When you eat late you body is burning energy to digest- this may keep you up.  When you booze late it may help you fall asleep, but drastically limits the depth of your sleep.  If you hydrate late it can wake you for midnight wizardry. Try to cut off the caffeine after lunch. Tho you may not be buzzing, it is still up in your system partying hard. If you are starving before bed try eating turkey, its packed with tryptophan, a chemical that helps induce sleep.

-Meditate-  Clear you mind, relax from your head to your toes, close you eyes and breathe, be present and think positive.

-Most of all have a productive, active, and satisfying day so that when you do hit the sack- you deserve it. 

Sam.

For your time……….

     I drank two gallons of whole milk in the last three days.  Seriously.  I feel like a god damn machine. I’m starting to crave tall fucking glasses of it in my sleep, I just chug it and let it run down my face, hurl the glass to the floor and primal yell “!!!!MORE MILK AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!”  So loud that my neighbors came and knocked on the door to see if all was well.  When I answered the door shirtless and glistening in a milky rapture, chest heaving and loudly growling, they slowly just backed away.  I’ve gained 7 lbs in the last two weeks, I’m sure its half fat.  My goal by summer is a lean 178, I’m currently 175 and a lot of it is extra Large Marge.  So my day of reckoning will be May 1st,  when I start the “Whole30” (Google it, if any one wants to join me)  I plan on being a miserable prick till June so if you see me be ready to fuck right off. 

    So aside from not drinking a shit ton off whole milk, Here are some great ways to naturally reduce your bad cholesterol, increase your good, and maybe get laid.

- Wage war- against free radicals floating a round your sweet bod by eating and drinking foods packed with anti-oxidants. 

• Blueberries (wild are best)
• Cranberries
• Beans (if you can handle them)
• Cooked Artichokes
• Apples
• Raspberries (All of the Berry family Kicks ass)
• Potatoes
• Broccoli
• Spinach
• Beets
• onions(Broccoli and Onions also help raise testosterone levels)
• Cinnamon
• Turmeric
• Oregano
• Cumin
• Parsley
• Basil
• Green Tea
• Black Tea
• Black Coffee (Milk blocks them shits)
• Red wine (in moderation)
• Dark Chocolate
• Garlic

These are just a few, pretty much go balls out on your fruits and veggies, Go Organic if you eat the skin, and if you tell me fruit is gonna make you fat I will Tea-bag your grandchildren. 

- DON’T SMOKE- you fucking dickface!  Smoking hardens arteries, Damages blood vessels, makes you a pussy, and I heard that it can cause Cancer.  Try chewing on cat shit if you need something disgusting to fill your time.

- Lower alcohol and caffeine consumption- This one is tough, but you are the boss. So make a choice and stick with it.

- Manage your Stress- Jeter doesn’t like you when your stressed, Neither does your body.  So take a bath, rub one out, or hit the yoga studio.  Breath deep and listen to nature every once and a while.  Lions don’t stress, They just kill something and eat it every once and a while, try it, I bet you’ll feel pretty good. (If your a vegetarian like my brother Jon, Go yell at a plant and eat it right out of the ground just leave a sad drool covered root behind, and growl a lot, and show your K9’s meant for masticating animal, your a mighty Veggie-lion!)

-Limit your sweets- What are you five?  Put the candy bar away, Your face is sticky.

-Go on a walk- run, hike, swim, gym, climb, crawl, shake, dance, lift, throw, chase, laugh, fall, get up, fall again, hump, sing, cycle, stretch, breath, and thank your god that you have another beautiful day to do so. 

Google the dangers of cholesterol meds before you start them. I do believe in medicine, and you should listen to your doctor, especially if shes hot like mine. I also believe that the strongest preventive medicine in the world is a healthy lifestyle.

For your time………